Kevin Cullen, SERIOUSLY?! Why Are White Folk Stuck on the Word Nigger?

The original quickie fb post:  Hey Kevin. As a PROFESSIONAL writer, a "NEWS" reporter, and supposedly one charged with the public trust/duty to seek truth - i ask YOU, How & when EXACTLY did RACISM become 'moronic"? Racism, discrimination, and violence against African-Americans has a LONG, storied and INSTITUTIONALIZED existence in THIS country AND NOTABLY in Bah-stun. As a reporter, have you given any consideration of how your newsroom & city, perpetuate racism? Perhaps, as a reporter, you could acknowledge laws have been broken. Have you considered what aspect of racism you have given ANY thought to, beyond the word "Nigger" that all 'non-racist' white people seem fixated on these days? Since you are a word-smith, have YOU ever written a story on how the word came into existence, what its purpose is, and how race loyalty has perpetuated racism? Perhaps you could mull over how it is you came to focus on "the game" and the merits of cancelling or not - RATHER THAN the evil that is racism, and how it is perpetuated through GENERATIONS of WHITES. Maybe, you could ask a black friend, or the kid who has been attacked, what it is like to have white people perpetually focused on -SQUIRREL! - rather than the issue of WHITE PEOPLE and the continued propagation of racism. Perhaps you could write a series on how race-loyalty and cowardice sanctioned slavery/racism - and THIS time a school board said - NO MORE! EVERYBODY suffers when racism is allowed to live on, and WE WILL TOLERATE IT NO MORE. Perhaps, the story could be about the lesson from/to all the white NON-PARTICIPANTS that WE WHITES will stand shoulder to shoulder to address an evil? When you are examining evidence of evil, assuming you recognize the difference between evil and sophomoric/moronic, it would serve you and all of Bah-stun well to drill down on what is REALLY important, rather than - SQUIRREL!

And now a bit less rant, and a dash more well-considered response:

 Kevin Cullen, a columnist for the The Boston Globe , posted an opinion piece, "How to respond to morons" offering his take about the use of the word nigger, and whether or not postponement/cancellation of a football game(s)  would "repudiate morons" racists or inflate their power.  This deep thought Mr. Cullen threw together in a melting pot article that addressed, among other things statements made by a television personality that Mr. Cullen took exception with.

  The underlying event for Mr. Cullen's ruminating was recent news of ongoing racists attacks perpetrated upon a 13 year old Massachusetts citizen, Isaac Phillips.  In response to the latest incident, the officials for Isaac's school have decided to postpone games until those responsible are identified.  So far, so good right?  After all, a child is has been attacked (yes, calling someone a nigger is an attack), threatened by violennce, property has been damaged, civil rights are being violated, laws have been broken.  So, a group of adults are bringing things to a screeching halt by getting everyone's attention - cancel football until the criminal racists are given up.  WAY GOOD, by american standards, yes?

  i am jumping up and down with the Lunenburg High School officials' official action!  So what is my beef?  

  Well, it is Mr. Cullen's lofty position in journalism,  employed by arguably a prestigious news organization  that got a rise out of me.  Where, he has a (potentially national) platform; it seems an intentionally ignorant white man, with apparently little to no knowledge of american and world history with regard to racism, american laws regarding rights to public accommodations i.e., public education, redlining, sundown towns or anti-miscegenation laws is allowed to speak for The Boston Globe, Bostonians, Massachusettians, and white people (writ large), can just say any damn thing for starters.  Or.  Perhaps, i give Mr. Cullen and The Boston Globe a bit too much credit.  It could be ignorance is not the culprit here.  It is entirely possible that Mr. Cullen is himself a racist, or just plain evil.  And, maybe The Boston Globe is aware and the organization supports his racism & sociopathic speech.  Fact is, i don't know what is in Mr. Cullen's mind, or what the employment standards are at The Boston Globe.  But i do know, Mr. Cullen described the perpetrators of violent, illegal acts as morons.  You know, as in sophomoric.  He described the violation of a child's civil rights in a public school setting, as nothing more than flatulence humor [sic].  i know that.

  i know white people have fixated on the word nigger of late in a new way.  We all know nigger is word of white culture origin.  That word was created and employed with specific intent, and was effective.  i know that today there is a schizophrenic reality in which we have developed a double bind where we will not say the word to quote someone else saying it.  Instead we have euphemized it.  While at the same time, we utter it in terms of "affection, or endearment", or sing it while bopping our heads to mix-beats.  BUT, when it is uttered in its original immaculate conception - we dismiss its use as "moronic".

  Based on his comments, it seems Mr. Cullen did not ponder what conditions exist in Massachusetts america in 2013 where early adolescent children commit the hate crimes they did.  It did not seem to percolate in his educated (presumably) mind what institutionalized racism does to a people (white people) after 500+ years.     

Well, i say no.  Stop.  Enough.  Can't have it both ways folk.  i know that uttering the words Assalamu alaikum, ("Peace be with you.") will make white "patriots" loose their ever-lovin american minds!  And if i said to the guy selling The Final Call newspapers on the corner, Allahu Akbar ("Allah is the Greatest"), some white red-blooded america-lovin male will either throw me to the ground and slam his knee in my neck or back, or dial 911 or Homeland Security, the FBI, and the CIA - or all of the above!  Fact.  Real talk.  

  So, it appears that words DO have meaning to white america (writ large) - but white america CHOOSES to ignore meaning AND intent selectively.  Words that originate in love. peace, spirituality, and organized religion BY BROWN PEOPLE are fightin words!  Words that originate out of the whitest evil of evil, in hate, sadism, disdain, dehumanization, depravity, sociopathy, psychopathy, did i say evil? are words that are dismissed as moronic.  AND we white people will now grant ourselves permission to use it again with our divine authority, and/or ignore it because the internalization of the word is so complete, we now have the object of vilification using it themselves.

Mr. Cullen, when you heard the officials of that child's school stood up and said to that child, his parents, his sibling, their familes - which includes white folk, the community, the world - and most importantly to the criminals - "We will NOT acquiesce to race loyalty.  Nor, will we bow to the gods of football.  We will NOT minimize racism.  We GOT YOU Isaac!".  You sir, should have knocked your chair over backwards leaping up with raised arms shouting "HALLELUJAH! PRAISE BE TO ALLAH!"

  Just sayin.

"Hate Crime Targets 13-year old Lunenberg Football Player" 

"Massachusetts Town Rallies Behind Football Player Targeted By Racist Graffti"

   

Bird Parenting; Or, Parenting by the Birds

  Long ago, my after work routine was to strap on the backpack baby carrier and take my wee

Male of nesting pair.

one for a walk.  i loved that time so for how we reconnected after being apart all day, and for how all of my daily grown-up worries slowly dissolved, dripping off my slowly un-furrowing brow with each step.  Wee One would excitedly kick me in my kidneys, raise a jelly roll arm with stubby pointed finger squealing "Burd!"  Birds, it turns out were favorites, as were scampering "skirrels" and "burflies".   (Wee One talked early, and a lot.) Consumed at the time with all things infant-toddler, little did i realize that those walks would lay the groundwork for important conversations to come.

  Years later, there were adventures in our awesome back yard climbing tree.  One involved  peering into a squirrel's nest at the very tippy-top.  THANK goodness a nursing mother was not home at the time!  There were many climbs up and down to more closely observe bird's nests and inspect "callipitter" cocoons.  Fact is, that tree and a nearby creek were major factors in my purchase decision, and it paid off in spades!

Our awesome wise old tree.

In the time it takes for the moon to traverse an inky blue summer sky, watching the sweet joy of discovery in those adventures morphed into parental coronary-event conversations.  (You know the kind.  "It's the big one, Elizabeth!").  Those moments of frozen parental panic stemmed from statements and questions like: "My friend has a boy/girl-friend.  What's that?"; and "So-and-so said they 'like' me"; and "What do you do with a boy/girl-friend?"  And THAT was BEFORE Junior High!  Wee One's schoolmate boys practiced being "hard" and "manly";  and the girls wore nail polish, tights, heels and makeup - not a pair of knee-high socks nor a ponytail in sight.  This was not Wee One's parent's elementary school, FERSHURE!
 
  i gave minimalist answers, desperate to buy time.  What the heck was going on?!  Between work, homework, lessons, groceries, chores and the every day parental challenges of herding cats - it had not dawned on me that times had changed MY internal parent clock on some things.  Changes in how people perceived the stages of childhood was threatening to wind my parental hour hand forward!  i scoured my own childhood memories for the EXACT moment i had become aware of coupling behavior, in the first person. i was certain it was NOT in elementary school!  i did recall Red Rover, Red Rover until well into the evening dusk.  i remembered triumphant goodbyes to my mother as we headed off to find the "beginning" of the neighborhood creek equipped with my empty Miracle Whip jar with its carefully placed nail holes puncturing the lid, to hold captured pollywogs, and bullfrogs.  There were daily games of pickle, which afforded me the opportunity to learn to use a post-hole digger after i took out our mailbox.  We rode sting-ray bicycles, mini-bikes, and then dirt bikes.  i remembered getting squirrels to take peanuts and bread out of our hands.  We made terrariums and over-wintered caterpillars for the joy of watching Monarchs emerge.  But... no.  No talk of romance in elementary school that i could recall.

  My politics about many things evolved and were adapted for parenting Wee One.  There were gender neutral games, toys and language in Wee One's life from day one.  i found our first-world politics of language was a HUGE challenge!  My teachings compensated for male characters and pronoun's representing all things active, powerful, noble, stoic and heroic.  i rejected female characters and pronouns for inanimate objects, female as default in care-taking roles and professions, any display of emotion and, of course, self-sacrifice.  Grimm and Disney bit the dust nearly entirely along with many childhood ditties and rhymes.  Thankfully, we have real people in our lives that were contrary to stereotypes.  And i was fortunate to enroll Wee One in a Montessori school where, at least in philosophy, stereotypes were acknowledged and attempts were made to undo the damage they create.  There was a huge stink with grandmother to wrangle a change from telling Wee One "when you grow up and get married  to, "If you decide to get married after you've gone to college and are all grown up".   i had to intervene (all too often) with adults who quizzed Wee One as to whether or not there was "someone special" at school.  [SERIOUSLY! What is that about?  What in the world is going on in our society where we ask an eight year old if they have a romantic interest - or a 16 year old for that matter?!?  end rant.]

  Dismantling societal norms in language, identifying and deconstructing sexism, racism and gender role falsehoods,  it turns out - is the easy part.  Then came Junior High.  Now the REAL societal pressure begins - reinforced and institutionalized, with a pack/herd mentality by ALL of the would-be adults!  So, it turns out, the "accepted" norm for precoupling behavior in children is ten to twelve years of age on up.  WHO KNEW!?  It was crunch time!  The time had come for the prelude behaviors i.e., phone calls, middle-school versions of "dating", etc.

  Right on cue, early in junior high Wee One asked, "When can I date?"  In response, i asked, "Are you planning to marry?"  You can imagine the adolescent exasperation, (why would i ask that for GOODNESS sake?!)  My old quip, "you can date after you're married, and you can marry when you're 45." was clearly not going to work...  My answer was, and is simple.  When you arrive at the appropriate stage in life where it is time to look for people who meet your criteria for a spouse.  The purpose for dating is mate selection.  i offered, 'Just the same as we shop at various stores for a particular item.  We go to the stores for the purpose of obtaining that item."
 

  In that conversation i asked a few questions of Wee One.  What are the attributes of this person of interest?  Naturally, the answer was, "Cute".  And that, my friends, was atop a one item list!  Another question i asked was, what did Wee One imagine "Cute's" parents had in mind for their child?  Did Wee One imagine "Cute's" parents intend that "Cute" would graduate high school, college, and have a career?  A halting "Yes" was the response.  And what, if anything, do you think you, as a partner, will have to offer "Cute" to that end?  "Umm, I don't know...".  So, you like "Cute", you want "Cute" to do well in life and be successful?  "Uh-huh."  In what way do you intend to contribute to "Cute's" future i queried?  And alas, an answer we could work with. "What do you mean? How am I supposed to help Cute go to college?  I'm just a kid!"  BINGO!

  i'd had my light-bulb moment while rummaging through my own childhood memories.  i'd realized some things...  ALL of the adults in my life perpetrated - actively or passively - expectations of me. To couple,  to so within hetero marriage and to procreate.  "When" and not if.  At family gatherings, syrup-y smiling queries into if there was a "special someone" were a lifelong occurrence.  When i reached mid and late teenage years, there were the usual, expected and familiar to all, admonitions about pregnancy, and venereal disease.  Sex, for females, was about reputation, and for males, it was about not throwing away YOUR future on a fast girl!  It was conveyed and understood that whomever i dragged back to the clan would, naturally, be of a certain ilk, have home-training, potential, etc. But, that was pretty much it...not much more.

  As a child, i had an inkling that couplings failed, divorces happened, adoptions occurred, spouses were picked that didn't cut the mustard, etc.  However, no adult EVER discussed with me lessons learned from their own or, others' experiences.  There was NEVER an actual  discussion about making the most of one's OWN opportunities for one's OWN self.  And that in doing so, one would be in a position to have something to offer a potential partner of merit.  And about this issue of 'merit' - not a soul ever said anything comprehensible to my teenage mind.  We all know, and i knew, about things like; "pick a man who will work to support his family", and "pick a woman who will be a good wife, homemaker and mother".  But, HOW the HECK does that translate to a teenage experience - or more specifically - to a teenage BRAIN?

Fledgling

  So, we went out back.  i pointed up to a hardily constructed bird's nest in our sturdy, wise, old magnificent tree.  "Who builds the nest?" i asked.  "The male and female, and in some species - only the male builds it in order to attract a female." was the answer.  "Did they pick a dead tree, or a spot on the ground, or a place where the wind would blow it down, is it hastily built and shoddy?"  No, is the response.  "Who feeds the chicks?"  "Both." came the answer.

Female of nesting pair.

Female with building materials

"When have you ever seen a mother bird lay an egg without a nest?"  A very long pause, then the response, "Never".  This last question brought an expression of incredulity to Wee One's face.  i could see Wee One thinking, "You have gone off the rails completely!"

  Exactly, my point Wee One!   Though i had long used that analogy with Wee One, who had understood and told me as a small child, the egg would fall and no baby bird could survive.  Now, Wee One was cognitively mature enough to appreciate the gravitas of the proposition.  It is inconceivable literally, to everyone, that a bird would lay an egg and not do so in a nest.  None of us had ever seen such a thing, so much so, that it is inconceivable!

  But we humans create a set of forces that do EXACTLY that.  We have made what ought to be inconceivable, a relatively common thing in our first-world society!  We fail to have meaningful exchange with our children about the purpose of family, and how to better our odds at doing it well.  We adults abdicate.  While outside sources are unrelenting in their push onto our children false and superficial criteria for picking partners.  IMHO i do not believe it is effective to have "thE talk" as a way to educate young people about creating family, coupling, or procreating.

  i am suggesting we adults have to work hard to parse out MANY layers of subtle and overt societal constructs that seem to set us up for hardships and/or failures as adults.  As purposeful as the birds' instinctual behaviors are that drive them to nest; so should be our efforts to be purposeful in parsing the complexities of life to, for and on behalf of our human children for the next seven generations.  Marriage; Child Brides @ 14:52

                                                          i Thank you for stopping by.  i hope, i have shared something that you can take with you to use and share with others.  i welcome your thoughts in the conversation.  i am new at this blogging thing, and hope to grow and evolve for the better, please be patient with me as i am a work in progress.
To The Contrary with Bonnie Erbé 
  
Next time:  Telling Boys to Have Sex
Getting Boys to Behave Like Girls, and Other Ridiculous Parenting Strategies! 
                                                                                                                 

Giving Boys Something to Bump Up Against

 
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Mother & Calf Elephant Photo Credit:   PJ KAPDostie.

Why is there a picture of a cow and calf elephant on a post by HorseSense Wisdom you ask?  Because, a recent discussion with a friend about raising children, brought to mind a long ago airing of a dysfunctional group of elephants.  In retelling the lessons i took from that story, my friend urged me to "Write Already wouldya"!  That story, airing originally on 60 Minutes, The Delinquents,  brought home to me how, in many ways, humans have lost our way in creating healthy families.  Video by David Tereshchuk of the original group of elephants and other elephant communities can be seen here .
  The discussion with my friend about their male children's behavior, especially aggression, toward female family members reminded me of another friend who was caring for a male pre-adolescent who had lost his mother to death, and was without family to care for him.  In the latter circumstance, there was no doubt the child had been deeply affected by his mother's long-term health issues over his entire short lifetime, and then there was her death.
  At such a tender age, many of us agree that we recognize children are what i describe as "pre-verbal emotionally".  By that i mean, it is my belief adolescence brings about a myriad of new emotions with little to no cognitive ability to identify, name, or discuss rationally the roil of new feelings.  My own parental assessment of this time, is that it bears striking similarities to toddler-hood wherein the child is truly pre-verbal, but developing physical capabilities with enormous rapidity.  Thus, the toddler is completely overwhelmed with growth and development but is without honed skills to cope.
  This boy, had developed a habit of "bumping" into his female caregiver as they passed each other in the home going about daily activities.  It seemed, in the rather spacious house, there was not enough room for them to pass one another without him "bumping" her shoulder with his own.   My second friend, a self-described girly-girl - did not know of an old-school way of negotiating the playground pecking order.  There was a ritual in which two children, equally matched in age and size, would face one another, offset, shoulder- to-shoulder.  Then, walking in a circle, while maintaining the same orientation to one another, the two would begin bumping shoulders.  This would continue until an imperceptible increase in force of a bump from one would signal a line had been crossed, and the fist-fight would begin.  The fight, usually taking less time than the pre-fight ritual, would establish or resolve the pecking order challenge for those involved, and life on the playground would go on.  This kind of primordial behavior is what i thought was going on.  i inquired of my friend, if "the lack of space" in the house had resulted in any bumping of her husband by the child?  No, was the response.  i noted, that while i had a weekly homework, dinner and fun night with the child - i had had no "cramped quarters" physical encounters with the child either.  Hmmmm....  He was already participating in ongoing grief and other counseling.  We saw other behaviors that indicated the child had some anger/rage that was squirting out sideways, so to speak.  All of the responsible things folks do in this day and age, like employing an emotion chart, and engaging the child to help him learn to express himself,  talking about the "bumping", and a brand new speed bag for him in the basement of my home, etc., were being done.  Still, this bumping continues.
  Here was my thought, (thinking elephant) 'you're bigger than him - lean into it.  And then, stand stock still, lock eyes, do NOT avert your gaze and don't say a word'.  This was not an idea my friend was receptive to - at all!  lol.  The bumping continued.  Then one day, who knows why, but there was one bump too many.  And... a bump conveying the limit had been reached was issued.  He didn't fall, or crash into anything, nor was he hurt in any way.  But he wasn't expecting it.  Thus he staggered and had to regain his footing.  He didn't say a word, and neither did my friend.  And, lo and behold, the "bumping" ceased - never to reoccur.
  Another example of evolving out of HorseSense Wisdom and disruption of family systems: Blackfish 

TO THE CONTRARY Bonnie Erbé; Men & Aggression @ 0:42

  My point with this story?  i know we humans have "evolved".  And, i hold to be true and valid most commonly held modern beliefs about our society and child-rearing these days.  But - i also believe we humans hold instinctual, base functions too.  We are not machines, we are creatures of whatever belief system we ascribe to.  IMHO,  we would do well to re-frame our approach from time to time.  Consider what behaviors are really about?  Ponder what role does parenting have?  What is the function of a herd, pride or family for young?  Why is it important for humans to maintain consistent family groups, clear limits, firm boundaries?  What is the real function of family and all of the roles within?  Is it not to secure ourselves within a group for survival and prosperity (in the sense of doing better, not financial, necessarily)?  If young happen along, is family not to bring them up to capable maturity?  If for you, the answer is yes, then perhaps we would do well to be more observant of our animal brothers and sisters.  It seems to me, they have resisted the urge to "evolve" out of common - HorseSense Wisdom.  Mama Bear, I SAID stop

    







 











 Thank you for stopping by.  i hope, i have shared something that you can take with you to use and share with others.  i welcome your thoughts in the conversation.  i am new at this blogging thing, and hope to grow and evolve for the better, please be patient with me as i am a work in progress.
To The Contrary with Bonnie Erbé 
  Next time:  Birds.