Getting Boys to Behave like Girls - and other RIDICULOUS Parenting Strategies!

  Two twenty-something young women currently in the U.S. were recently discussing perceptions of Americans by those outside America.  One from the U.S., the other from Ireland, Brooklyn and Shannon, respectively.  Shannon said it is frequently discussed amongst her homeland peers that American GIRLS are having babies as teenagers in epidemic proportions.  Brooklyn was surprised to hear that this was the predominate impression of American teenage GIRLS.  As they discussed this further, they determined media is certainly a means of information dissemination.  However, the impressions of Shannon's and her friends are not based on "popular" media i.e., Teen Mom, etc.  Their facts are evidence based.  The U.S. teen pregnancy rate is nearly three times higher than that of Ireland's. - , http://www.unicef-irc.org/publications/pdf/repcard3e.pdf.  Anecdotally, Shannon does not know a SINGLE girl who got pregnant in high school.  While Brooklyn knows of many who have gotten pregnant in high school.

http://www.unicef-irc.org/publications/pdf/repcard3e.pdf

  i think it is noteworthy that the out-of-country perception, and what we RECOGNIZE in our society, is the female and the actual pregnancy.  We rarely speak of males with regard to teenagers creating children - as if somehow they are not part of the equation.  Nor, do we explicitly speak of the actual BEHAVIOR ,uh... that CAUSES the "girl's pregnancy"...

  We, in the U.S. seem to have some challenges with making up our minds about teenagers.  On the one hand we want our children to benefit from established brain science that tells us pre-frontal lobe development is not complete until the mid-twenties. On the other hand, we want to charge, try and convict  as adults, children who commit crimes.  We argue out of both sides of our mouths, cognition, judgement and self-regulation are immature in a society which wants to extend childhood; and we then abdicate our roles in educating, guiding, and controlling them.

  We establish laws controlling teenagers' sexual activity, marriage, alcohol access, motor vehicle operation, education, finances and many other aspects of their lives for their safety and the for benefit of society.  We protect the rights of, and assign culpability to parents to effect those laws.  Religions weigh in to lay down moral guideposts that further their goal.  And lastly communities and families represent social guidelines.  Lotta ingredients in the stew...  And, then we American parents settle in for a long slumber...

  The U.S. has among the lowest age of driver's license regulation and we are the highest in teen driving fatalities and the HIGHEST rate of automobile accident teen deaths!  Now. Why IS that?  And WHAT on earth does teen driving have to do with the subject of this post?

  imho we have a pervasive problem in america with responsibility - as in, "Oh. That's too hard, I think I'll just shrug and walk away - FROM MY OWN KIDS.  i think teenagers making babies are a symptom of the same mindlessness on the part of adults, as are the underlying factors of teen deaths in automobile accidents.  Leonard Evans asserts in his paper, Swedish versus USA Traffic Safety:  What Comparing Fatalities Tells Us:  "The largest reductions have been achieved by public policies aimed at reducing crashes (increasing use rates for active occupant protection devices, a behavioral factor, is also important). The goal must be the attainable one of developing public policies that lead to safer traffic in which crash risk is lower, not the unattainable goals of producing vehicles that are safe to crash, getting young people to behave like older people, or getting males to behave like females. 

  Before you get upset with me, i am declaring i am setting aside for the moment, for the purposes of this discussion, the actual occurrence of pregnancy, and the resulting child, if born, along with stipulations for the many socio-economic factors that are found in "teen pregnancy" writ large.  AND, i am assuming parents are people who had children AFTER their teen years - in other words people who were at least legally adults prior to conceiving the teenagers we are discussing here.  (Hang in with me for a minute please.)

  My own parenting experience may have been unusual in the following way - i was almost always significantly older than my parent peers (people who had a child the same age as my own).  And my own age peers had long ago passed the stages i was in, as they had children significantly older than my own.  Anecdotally, i can say without exception, i never had a conversation with even one parent peer or age peer, in which one said, "You know, I think I'll hold off on... (fill in the blank).  As far as i could tell, the herd mentality was stampeding blithely over the group-think cliff clutching their children to their chests.  It did not seem to matter if it were a "big" or "small" "issue" - junk food, video games, driving, cell phones, computers/tv's in bedrooms, or allowing a child to "go steady" at age fourteen.  All my "casual" inquiries as to what they thought about limiting, reducing, denying any societal "norm" or milestone was met with a blank look, a shrug, sigh and " Well, what are ya gonna do?  That's what all the kids are doing these days".  As if somehow the natural order of things had been newly written.  Children were no longer born to parents; parents were no longer responsible for bringing thoughtfulness, judgement, guidance, limits and boundaries to bear on their young.  Seriously, it was like being stuck in concurrently airing episodes of The Twilight Zone and The Stepford Wives!

  i stipulate that children need to develop independence, self-sufficiency, and judgement to become fully functioning adults.  The point i would like to address here is - HOW do children develop those skills?  It is by throwing them to the wolves?  Or, by judging an individual child and setting forth the challenges you ASSESS they are able to meet?  Collectively, as a society, do we write laws, and create institutions in SPITE of the evidence clearly demonstrating children are not capable of managing?

  With regard to teen age BOYS and girls having sex "prematurely" the resulting pregnancies, STD's, emotional retardation of growth/development, and lost realization of potentials; are we not being ridiculous when we "frown upon" the "evidence" of the sex, but do not put into practice the means and methods to deter, if not prevent, the behavior?  We know when and where children are engaging in sexual behavior .  We know that children are ill equipped to manage and defer the impulsiveness of the compulsions of the age.  We are scientifically certain the ability and necessary life experience to anticipate consequences is not present.  Why do we think supervision for children is only necessary until approximately ages ten to twelve?  We understand there are dangers associated with unattended young children, but fail to acknowledge there are dangers associated with leaving older children unattended.  We know teenage girls, when engaged in sex with boys, do so because they are pressured by boys.  We know in this society there are NO messages whatsoever to boys that they ought NOT be sexuality active.  We know that early sexual activity by adolescent males contributes to higher levels of aggression - sexually, and in other areas.  Group think and inappropriate group sexual behaviors (pack mentality) without the benefit of maturity to grasp the gravitas of their actions or the consequences are documented at this point to have established normative behavior.  The numbers are definitive on the unlikelihood of the sustainability of the relationship in straight teens when a pregnancy occurs, whether or not a live birth results and/or the child is kept to be raised by the girl (and the girl's family) or placed in an adoptive setting.

So, why are we asleep at the wheel?

link to quote Ohio Atty General statement about accountability here.

   i Thank you for stopping by.  i hope, i have shared something that you can take with you to use and share with others.  i welcome your thoughts in the conversation.  i am new at this blogging thing, and hope to grow and evolve for the better, please be patient with me as i am a work in progress.

  Next time: socialization of boys - priming them for early sexual behavior or; the teenage parent who becomes the parent of a teenage parent.

Bird Parenting, or Parenting by the Birds